Remember Who they Were, BEFORE the Substance Abuse Issues
This video is about remembering who you are trying to save, before their substance abuse issues. It covers why it is important to take a little time amongst yourself and as a group to reflect on your loved one and who they truly are. Look beyond their addiction and remember their personality prior to substance abuse. The person you know and love is still there, trapped under layers of defeat, guilt and the cycle of addiction.
Many times, when a person or the family comes to me, they’re distraught, they’re aggravated, some members are angry. And this is often because the behavior of the addict has been going on for years and sometimes they got away from who the person actually is. So we have to try to refresh our memory and go back. And obviously you love the person and care about the person and it’s very emotional but it can be confusing. And we have to go back and remember who this person actually is. So that helps us actually deliver our approach to the person and maybe hit some emotional hot buttons for them to where they’ll motivate them to change.
And we go back and we remember those fond memories of whether, if this is your son or daughter growing up and going fishing or going shopping or the first time that they won the Little League Championship or they did a kind act for someone or something of the sort. And when they get trapped in addiction through some sort of pain, physical pain or emotional pain, they start taking drugs as a solution to that pain or underlying trauma and then it changes them. There’s what we call the biochemical personality. The biochemical personality can change that person due to the effects of the brain and the cravings that the person goes through.
And then the transgressions that person commits against people that love them, then that they turn around and lash out at. The families often don’t understand that the person will lash out at the person they love the most. They know, deep down, subconsciously, innately, that they’re not the person that whoever they’re lashing out at, expects them to be or they once were with that person. So then they turn and they lash out because that’s the level of guilt that they feel internally. So we have to go back and understanding all this helps families to confront this situation because what we do in an intervention is to try to reach in and touch the person emotionally, and try to come from a position of love.
And separate that person from the substance abuse issues because the addiction is controlling them and we’re trying to gain control over the addiction… so we’re not now controlled — if that, hopefully, makes sense to you guys. But we’re trying to reach and touch that person to where they actually will then reach for help and say, “You know what? I don’t want to be this way. I do want to change my life and I do care about you guys.” But if that doesn’t work, we then have to be prepared to apply enough, whatever pressure or consequences to the person to get them to make the right decision.
A lot of people won’t go to rehab unless they’re going… regardless of what they’ve done to the family and how they’ve destroyed their life and others lives… But if they feel like the consequences are going to rehab are better than, let’s say, going to jail or having consequences of being removed from the property or detached from the family. Because then they go, “Wait a minute.” They’re like, “Why are you doing this to me?”
But the truth is, we have to remember who we’re trying to save, that loved person before substance abuse. And that’s what we’re trying to do. We have a drowning victim that’s going to die or they’re going to kill themselves, they’re going to end up in jail for a long time or they’re liable to kill someone else. Especially if they’re drinking alcohol and driving or doing drugs and driving or what have you. So we have to remember that person is who we’re trying to save. And we have to be willing to do anything and everything to be able to save that person.
Learn more about our drug and alcohol addiction intervention course for families
Chapters
0:40 Successful Intervention Tip #5: Remember Who You Are Trying To Save
1:11 Remember Who They Were Before Addiction
1:50 Addiction from Pain and Trauma
2:00 Biochemical Personality
3:00 Consequences of Addiction
Resource: The Impact of Substance Use on Families and Children
