The Addiction Podcast, Point of No Return: Episode 105

In this podcast, Host Joanie Sigal speaks with Bobby Newman, Certified Substance Abuse Counselor, Prevention Specialist and Intervention Professional, about getting a person suffering with addiction to agree to get treatment, and getting their family fully on board.

Bobby Newman is an interventionist with a 90% success rate of getting people into treatment. He is a former addict, so knows all the whys and wherefores that prevent the addict from getting clean and sober. Bobby has developed a series of videos to help YOU to do your own intervention and get your loved one into treatment NOW.

TRANSCRIPT:

Speaker 1:

The Addiction Podcast, Point of No Return, brought to you by Narconon Suncoast.

Joanie Sigal:

Hello, everybody. This is Joanie Sigal, and this is The Addiction Podcast. And this is episode number 105. Jason isn’t with me this week, he is working very hard to help people who need to recover from substance abuse and addiction. And so I am doing this one solo. For those of you who haven’t been listening to the podcast, or maybe haven’t listened to some earlier episodes, we are in the studio again, today interviewing Bobby Newman.

Joanie Sigal:

Bobby is an interventionist. And so for the family and friends of addicts, who have been unsuccessful in getting the addict into treatment, Bobby is the person to call. He has an exact methodology for his drug and alcohol interventions. And when he has the full cooperation of the family, his interventions work 90% of the time, which I think is quite phenomenal. He’s not really a fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants guy. He’s got an exact methodology that he uses.

Joanie Sigal:

And if you listen to our earlier episodes, our earlier interviews with Bobby, you’ll be able to get more information on how that works. So Bobby has some exciting news for you today, and I thought it would be appropriate to have him come into the studio and tell you about it. So talking to us again today, we have Bobby Newman, Certified Substance Abuse Counselor. Bobby, thank you for being on the podcast.

Bobby Newman:

You’re quite welcome. Thank you for having me.

Getting the addict to agree to treatment

Joanie Sigal:

Bobby is one of my heroes. You are one of my heroes, Bobby, because you really confront, probably one of the hardest steps in the whole rehabilitation set-up, which is to get the addict to agree to go to treatment. I think, that’s got to be one of the hardest things to confront and handle. Do you think so? Do you think that’s true?

Bobby Newman:

It’s, in the realm of things, it definitely is the hardest, getting the person in the door, and getting them through the program. I mean, everybody’s got their challenges throughout, helping someone get rehabilitated. And putting the dynamic of the family together. People ask me all the time, “What’s the hardest part about doing an intervention?” And my first response is handling the family and getting them to confront the problem and act, get on the same page, and do the right things that’s going to effectively help their loved one.

Substance and Guilt

Joanie Sigal:

I can see that because one of the things that Jason and I have talked about on the podcast, is the fact that so often, a parent or a sister or a brother or a loved one can get kind of hung up in guilt. “Is it my fault my son is an addict? Did I do something wrong? Did I not teach them properly?” Or what have you? And the point we’ve tried to make on the podcast is it doesn’t matter at this point, ultimately the addict made their own choice. And if you were beating your kid every day, okay, well, you can take some responsibility for that. But at this point, it kind of doesn’t matter. Do you find that a lot of times, do you have to deal with that, the guilt aspect?

Bobby Newman:

That is something to be aware of. Now, there’s certain barriers that you encounter when dealing with the family and getting them ready to move forward. If it’s not quite, the urgency’s there, they definitely know they need to do something, and then they’re not moving. They’re not doing something. So you know, you got to step back and go, “Okay, what am I confronting here that’s not being said?”

Bobby Newman:

And then, so there’s a variety of ways of to pull that information out of them, but you definitely have to be aware of that. And what you mentioned is all those things are there. There’s a triggering of guilt that they have, mistakes that they made. Oh, my gosh, I even had a lady in Vancouver one time, she dealt in import art and things like that. And then, she asked me, “Now, this couldn’t be something that….?” It was almost like she was asking me about whether it could be her fault or not.

Bobby Newman:

She was like, it was some kind of a defect or something that she might have… And it was, saying, in the back of my mind, I’m thinking, like you said, “What does it matter?” We have a fire here. We need to put the fire out.

Joanie Sigal:

Exactly. We can maybe go back in after the fact and find out what started it, if it’s really important at that point, but bottom line is we don’t put the fire out, then the house burns down.

Bobby Newman:

Right, right, exactly.

Family Entanglement & Intervention

Joanie Sigal:

You shared a story before we were on the podcast, and it had to do with the culture of the family creating a bit of a problem for you. Do you see that with different cultures that you go into?

Bobby Newman:

Yes. I mean, every, obviously, culture is very important and tradition and things like that. And I get told quite often that, “Well, you don’t understand the culture.” And I’ve been in front of Spanish families from… Or-

Joanie Sigal:

Italian, you said.

Bobby Newman:

… Italian, Pakistan, from Hawaiian, from Filipino, Asian. It’s just, I’ve been… from the south, from the deep south or from where I’m from, Southern Oklahoma, or Mormons, they all have each their own traditions. And, but they’re basically very rooted in family. And they have their own ways. And, it comes down to the same basic concepts as to why they don’t want to move forward. And we’ve talked about one of them because they… Or they’re afraid of making somebody mad. And I think that what you stated a minute ago, actually does go quite a long ways, that they’re afraid of either a making another mistake or triggering all the mistakes that they made before.

Joanie Sigal:

Right. Right. The other thing, I know we interviewed a former addict, a graduate, and I think his family was Middle Eastern. And so there was a bit of a culture of not communicating deep-seated problems or deep-seated concerns or worries. And that had kind of led him to not communicate with his family when he was having troubles. And he had issues with his dad, who wanted him to go on a certain career path, which he didn’t want to do, but you didn’t talk about those things. And I think that could be kind of an example, where it’d be difficult because when you go into an intervention, I mean, communication plays a big part in that.

Bobby Newman:

Right, right, right, right. Right. And the family we were talking about before, it was very hard to get the family on the same page. And even, when asking, I have a form that I fill out, and I call it my profile form. I’m trying to develop a good background of the family and who’s the players. And I almost know every time, there’s going to be somebody coming out of the woodwork. Somebody who’s sitting there and watching this happen for 10 years and done nothing. And now that something’s going to be done, they come up with an idea, “Oh, well, we should do this.” Or, oh, it’s almost like that’s the other shoe’s going to drop. And I’m looking for that already.

Bobby Newman:

And I thought I’d covered my bases with people, most of the time I do. But the thing of it is, it’s really hard to get that across and getting the communication out. And sometimes, you just have to ask them, “What are you not telling me?” And be very pointblank, “What are you not telling me about this? I feel like there’s something you’re not saying. What is it? And I’m going to get to the bottom of this before we do anything.”

Joanie Sigal:

Interesting.

Bobby Newman:

And they’ll, “Well, I just don’t… I’m just worried about…” And they’ll break down and tell you. And you’re like, “Okay, thank you for telling me. Now we can, actually… Let’s handle that.”

Joanie Sigal:

Now we can get it done.

Bobby Newman:

Now we can get it done. Exactly.

Joanie Sigal:

I think that’s a really good point. And I think that, again, I always like to speak out to our listeners and say, “If you’re sitting there on some guilt trip or some consideration that you don’t want your friends or your family to know that your child is addicted, get over it because you need to get them help. And if people find out about it, why do you care? Get them help.” That’s the most important thing.

Joanie Sigal:

I don’t think there are a lot of people that can do what you do. But one of the things that I think is particularly great about what you do, is that, to some degree, you have it well-codified. And one of the reasons I wanted to have you come talk to us is because, not only do you have it codified, you have it in a way that maybe other people could do it.

Bobby Newman:

I do. That was my intention. Sometimes, for me to come out and do an intervention and help the family, it takes several thousand dollars to do that.

Joanie Sigal:

Yes.

Bobby Newman:

And so what I did, I realized that there’s a lot of people out there just getting them to realize or gain the willingness to confront the situation. And one of the things that they don’t do, “Well, I don’t know what to do. I can’t do that.” So they don’t do anything. And they won’t confront it.

Bobby Newman:

So if I could give them a little bit of information as to this is how you can do this, and it’s based off of nearly 20 years of experience. And then they could then digest in less than a couple of hours, then maybe that would be helpful for them to be able to then help their loved one. Once they realize that these are the things that you need to do.

Empowering Families to Intervene in Substance Abuse Cases

Joanie Sigal:

Right. So tell us about this course that you have, that is not thousands of dollars. In fact, it’s only a few hundred, but that someone could do to do their own intervention on their own family member. So tell us about it.

Bobby Newman:

Well, basically, I developed it through my own materials. I have 25 Tips to a Successful Intervention. And then, I developed a full-fledged guide that’s almost like 37 pages long.

Joanie Sigal:

Wow.

Bobby Newman:

And it’s got pictures and things like that, and so it’s not all text, but. I would send that out to people, and I would be like, “Oh, would you take a look at the guide?” “Oh, no, I haven’t.” So then I cut it down to the 25 Tips. It’s only a few… and they could read that.

Joanie Sigal:

Right. Right.

Bobby Newman:

So then I thought, “Well, what if I took this and combined it into… And broke it down?” And I formed an outline. And I actually had a friend of mine, who decided he wanted to help me and partner with me on it, and who had a marketing company and could do the videos. And we literally went over one afternoon, and I did the outline, and he just started asking me questions, and we videoed this entire scene. And I was expecting to have to do retakes or whatever. And he just said, “Nope, go ahead and do this one, and go ahead and do this one.” And then, he had his editing team go in, and it covers everything from start to finish. And then, there’s also a one-hour consultation that comes after that, but. Anyway, I can list out the…

Joanie Sigal:

So these are videos then?

Bobby Newman:

Yeah.

Joanie Sigal:

I don’t think I understood that. I was thinking, “Oh, and I got to read different things.” So the fact that they’re videos, that’s pretty cool.

Bobby Newman:

Yep. Yep.

Joanie Sigal:

And so then, so go ahead and list out what those different videos are because I think that kind of lays it out, sort of.

Bobby Newman:

The videos average, probably there’s 12, well, 13, and they average probably, maybe, six to seven, eight minutes a piece. It could be broken up into segments, but it’s total, it’s less than two hours.

Joanie Sigal:

Well, yeah. Okay.

Bobby Newman:

So if you could sit down and watch it all at once, or you could watch two or three in an afternoon or whatever. But it covers… A lot of times people don’t understand when should I do an intervention? “How bad is my son?” They want to know, “I don’t know how bad he is.” Well, how bad do you want him to get? Do you want him to be in the hospital? Or do you want to be him in a car wreck or in jail? Or you don’t know.

Joanie Sigal:

Is he using drugs? Is he not using drugs? If he’s using drugs, it’s bad.

Bobby Newman:

Yeah. Right.

Joanie Sigal:

It’s bad enough.

Bobby Newman:

Yeah, exactly. I’ll be honest with you. My son, who’s 27, when he was… 10 years ago, I had no evidence of him doing drugs. But I just knew he was going down the wrong path. He was seriously headed to a bunch of legal trouble. And I thought, “We got to get this kid turned around,” so, and it’s one of the things we talk about in this course is, it’s necessarily about drugs. It’s about a redirection.

Joanie Sigal:

Yes.

Bobby Newman:

So they need a redirection.

Joanie Sigal:

Interesting.

Bobby Newman:

And, so I did an intervention on him. And I had no evidence of him using drugs, but he definitely needed a lifestyle change, so that’s what we did. So we did that. But, so I always say, “It’s never too early to do an intervention.”

Joanie Sigal:

It can be too late.

Bobby Newman:

It can be too late, but it can never be too early.

Joanie Sigal:

Very good point.

Bobby Newman:

Exactly. And then, there’s also things to consider about what type of rehab facility that you want? And how to get financing. How do I do this? And people won’t confront things because they think they automatically can’t do it. And there’s ways, I guarantee you, there’s ways if you’ve got the will, and you make the decision, “I’m going to do something about this,” there’s a way to figure it out.

Joanie Sigal:

Absolutely.

Bobby Newman:

So I’ve seen people that have said, “You know what, I’m going to do this.” And I’ve got a bunch of stories about that alone, so we won’t get into that. But then we get into the other things that it covers is who do you want to be involved with the intervention? Is it going to be mom and dad, brother, sister, aunt, and uncle? Those are very important

Joanie Sigal:

Yes.

Bobby Newman:

Because me, as a counselor, know the personality traits that I want to be involved. Whether these people are going to be helpful or hurtful or what. And I also have to go in there and who’s the enabler?

Joanie Sigal:

Yes. Yes.

Bobby Newman:

Who’s the enabler?

Joanie Sigal:

Good point.

Bobby Newman:

And so, part of my responsibility is to handle that enabling, because if you can go to all this trouble, and you go right back to doing… So we talk about in the courses, you go right back to doing the same thing, then the likelihood the person’s going to go right back to the same thing, the addict, is very high. So we need to change that.

Joanie Sigal:

Interesting.

Planning a Substance Abuse Intervention

Bobby Newman:

So we talk about enabling behaviors. We talk about who’s going to be on the intervention team? We talk about where the intervention’s going to be. And how to, and planning the intervention, the location, the timing of it. We have what we’re going to say.

Bobby Newman:

We also talk about objections. You’re going to list out… You want to know the objections that the person’s going to have, and I’m giving you some of this information. But there’s just, there’s a series of things. I even have a checklist that I go through with families that, “Okay. We covered all these things,” and we list them all out. I want to know what this guy’s going to say to me, more than likely, when we sit down. And if we can have a solution for those, we’re going to have a solution. So we cover that.

Bobby Newman:

And then, we talk about staging the intervention. Where is it going to be? What location? Is it going to be at grandma’s house? Is it going to be at their house? There’s ways to go about gaining control of this situation that it’s been out of control. And they’re very subtle. They’re not, “I’m going to go in and control.” It’s coming down to where the person’s going to set in the room. Who’s going to speak first?

Joanie Sigal:

That’s a very, very good point because ultimately what you’re going to need to do is use very positive control to get the addict to their own realization or agreement that they need help. And that they’ll go into treatment. And so I can see that controlling the environment, where it happens? Who’s there? How that environment is set up, it’s part of it. Do you know?

Bobby Newman:

Right.

Joanie Sigal:

It is part of it. I can totally see that. That’s a very good point. I wouldn’t have thought of it, but it’s a very good point.

Bobby Newman:

It’s almost like they’re caught. And people tell me, I hear this. “You can’t force somebody into treatment.” I don’t do it. As far as Narconon goes, they don’t take anybody who’s not there willingly.

Joanie Sigal:

Exactly.

Bobby Newman:

By the time the person, so, that in itself is like… We’re not taking them to prison. They’re going to sign papers saying that they want to be there.

Joanie Sigal:

Right. Right.

Bobby Newman:

And, “I’ve got a drug problem.” So we have to work out stopping the behavior and getting them there. And also, you talked about the environment. I ha a guy… I’m going to go into another story [crosstalk 00:17:36].

Joanie Sigal:

Good. I love it. I love it.

Bobby Newman:

We went up to North Dakota, and it was, oh, 19 degrees, and it was sunny, no wind. And they thought it was a spring day, and I’m freezing to death. But anyway, I get up there, and we pull in, and we’re in two cars, and we pull up and one on one side and one on the other. And so, and the only way out for him, if he run out and jumped in his car, was to drive through his own front yard, that he had nicely landscaped, but. And he looks out the window, and we walk in, and he goes, “Oh, you’re blocking me in.” So, he knew, and I just looked at him and grinned, and I said, “You do what you got to do, man.”

Joanie Sigal:

Yes.

Bobby Newman:

“You going to come in here and sit down?” And he walked in and sat down. And I thought, “This is going to go well, because he already knew as soon as we walked in.” And people, they know that, too. When you sit down, and you walk in and usually as soon as they see me, and then they go, “Oh, just sit down over here. And we want to talk to you.” And then, and they see everybody and, “Oh, it’s Aunt Judy. I haven’t seen you in two years. Aunt Judy, what do you do?” And then they know. And they actually, when they sit down, and it’s almost like, because that controlled environment, like you said, in a good way, it’s almost like they’re becoming accepting at that point.

Joanie Sigal:

Well, there’s good control and bad control. And when people talk about, “You can’t force somebody,” that means you’re not going to manhandle somebody onto the plane and into Narconon because as you say, that’s not going to fly. They have to be there on their own determinism.

Joanie Sigal:

I just, to sidetrack a minute, because I just thought of this. Have you ever had a situation where you go in, and the addict really has no idea-

Bobby Newman:

Yeah.

Joanie Sigal:

… what’s about to happen? I mean, no clue.

Bobby Newman:

Yeah. Well, that’s nine times out of… Most of the time.

Joanie Sigal:

Oh, okay.

Bobby Newman:

Most of the time. Now, this guy happened to be looking out his own window. Otherwise, that was the only option I had.

Joanie Sigal:

Something is going down.

Bobby Newman:

Yeah. I was the only option. “And who’s that guy?” And I was the only option I had. I didn’t have any other, but most of the time they have no idea.

Joanie Sigal:

No idea.

Bobby Newman:

A lot of time, one girl thought she was going to a… Matter of fact, she did the podcast here. She thought she was going to have Valentine’s Day with her kids.

Joanie Sigal:

Oh, that’s right. I remember.

Bobby Newman:

And then, another guy thought he was coming over to a barbecue, and he even brought a case of beer with him.

Joanie Sigal:

Oh.

Bobby Newman:

So. No, this is going to be a little bit different.

Joanie Sigal:

Yeah. No, we’re not going to sit here and drink beer. Sorry.

Bobby Newman:

And his entire family, they were in Hawaii, and his entire family was from Maryland, and they’d flown out there. He had no idea that they were even there. He walks in the door, and he’s like, “Oh boy.”

Joanie Sigal:

Just a reminder that you were listening to The Addiction Podcast, Point of No Return, interviewing Bobby Newman, Certified Substance Abuse Counselor. If you would like to reach out to us with your story or with your comments, go to our Facebook page of the same name, The Addiction Podcast, Point of No Return. If you’d like more information on Narconon Suncoast, you can call 1-877-339-3324. That’s 1-877-339-3324. We also have an email, now. It is our acronym, T-A-P-P-O-N-R2017@gmail.com. So back to your course.

Bobby Newman:

You were talking earlier about good control. And one of the things, obviously, you want the person to be in the environment that you’ve created, the staging it. And it even comes down for me as who’s going to set where, and who’s going to speak first. But there’s times that you need to give a little. You’re going to come in and kind of introduce the reality of this person’s true condition in life. Here’s where we’re really at because they’ve been basically… It’s kind of like the saying goes, “The inmate’s been running the institution,” with the addict that’s been running the family. And the family is the effect, and they’re reacting to everything.

Bobby Newman:

And so, what we want to do is put in good control, but there’s a little bit of determinism that the person should have. And if you can give and know when to give just a little bit, and it’s a judgment call for me because I pretty much want to get the person, but I even, I’ll pull them to the side. And so the point in saying that there’s good control and to let the person make… “Okay. But I’m not going unless I can…” And those are all things that need to be determined. If that’s all they’ll do, I’ll get a commitment out of them first. I’ll say, “Okay, if I can do that for you, will you commit to going?”

Bobby Newman:

And they say, “Well, I’ll commit to go.” I say, “Okay, I’m going to handle that right now.” And I’ll go, “Handle it.” And that’s when the family’s like, “This is what we’re going to do. This is what it takes. This is a small sacrifice that we’re going to make.” But we usually know what those things are going to be beforehand. So we already have, “You know what, I thought of that, this is what we’re going to do.” And they’ll go for it. So you list, you get a really good picture before you go in.

Joanie Sigal:

And that’s covered in your course to do that.

Bobby Newman:

That’s covered in the course. Exactly. So, the other thing is the implementation of the intervention. Who to start? How it goes? Literally-

Joanie Sigal:

Who’s talking first?

Bobby Newman:

… who’s speaking first? Who’s speaking second? All the way to the end and then asking the question. And then, there’s also the introduction of bottom lines and consequences, if they say no. When to introduce those and things like that, so. But, anyway, those are all covered in the course as well. And then you go into what to do when they say yes. What do we do now? Well, we cover that. It’s very important. You pack bags, and you get gone. That’s what you do.

Joanie Sigal:

You’re ready? Good. Let’s go pack bags. Car’s, ready? Let’s go.

Bobby Newman:

And that’s part of the planning is you plan it out to where you have everything prepared. You’re prepared for that when he says yes. You’re not going to wait. “Oh, we’re going to go next Tuesday.”

Joanie Sigal:

No, no, no. It has to be right now.

Bobby Newman:

So the other thing is we cover, there is a percentage of chance that this is not going to work. But we do know what doesn’t work 100% of the time, if you don’t do anything.

Joanie Sigal:

Exactly.

Bobby Newman:

So you give yourself the best chance of success. And if you follow these instructions, your success rates are close to 90%.

Joanie Sigal:

There you go.

Bobby Newman:

So, but you also plan for what to do if it fails. What if they absolutely refuse because most addicts, they been running the show for so long, they’re going to call your bluff. And so you can’t be bluffing. So you put things… Anyway, it’s covered in the course what to do if the intervention fails, so.

Bobby Newman:

And then we talk about… Let’s say, you have success, what to do when they arrive to the center? How to interact for them? One of the biggest questions I get is, “What am I going to do when he comes home?” We talk about that, too.

Joanie Sigal:

Good, good.

Bobby Newman:

Those are all covered in there. And then there’s also a one-hour consultation with questions. So it gives you a chance to get really good information on the intervention and the whole process. And then you can list out your questions and then use that time very effectively.

Joanie Sigal:

I think, this is an amazing resource for people. I think, oftentimes families and oftentimes, it’s because they put a lot of money into rehab already, and it hasn’t been successful, so they’re not in a position to pay thousands of dollars to fly Bobby Newman up there, which would be great. So you’re really giving them a really nice opportunity to do it themselves. Plus an hour consulting, I think it’s a huge, huge service that you’re offering to people. I mean, I really think this is good. I actually look forward to hearing from people who’ve tried it. Have you tried it with people yet?

Bobby Newman:

The course? Yes.

Joanie Sigal:

Yep.

Bobby Newman:

I’ve actually gotten… And the people have, “This is very informative.” Because it’s broken up into segments of… They’re anywhere from, I think, it probably averages seven to eight minutes each video. So, and each segment is, “Wow, I didn’t know this,” or, “Wow, I thought this might be the way that was, but now I have certainty that it is,” so.

Joanie Sigal:

Wow. So, good. So listen, listeners, if you have a loved one, who is addicted, and you need to do an intervention, I’m going to have Bobby tell you how to get it. So Bobby, tell our listeners, how they can find your course on intervention.

Bobby Newman:

Well, there’s actually, there’s a long URL that you can get.

Joanie Sigal:

You need a shorter one.

Bobby Newman:

Go to https://newmaninterventions.com and fill out the form and say, “Hey, I’d like the course.” And then I can send you the link to the course. Or you can call 866-989-4499. And call in and say, “Hey, I heard about the course. I want to get the link to that. Can somebody send me some more information”?

Joanie Sigal:

Great. And I actually just went to https://bobbynewmaninterventions.com/course. And I did find it.

Bobby Newman:

Oh, you did?

Joanie Sigal:

So I didn’t go through the whole big long one that you had given us before. So it is locatable on the website. And if not, give us the number one more time.

Bobby Newman:

866-989-4499.

Joanie Sigal:

Perfect. And you know how to reach The Addiction Podcast on our Facebook page, by the same name, The Addiction Podcast, Point of No Return. And we can also direct you to Bobby, so that you can get a hold of this course. It’s an unbelievable opportunity. As Bobby said, the only thing you can do that is wrong is nothing. And so you can do this. It’s going to be a little bit of a confront, but our guess is that that’s what you need to do, first step anyway, is to confront your loved one who’s an addict. But this gives you an exact procedure on how to do it. Don’t wait. Do it now.

Joanie Sigal:

Bobby, thank you so much for being on the podcast. I really appreciate it. And I’m loving this course, and I think it’s a huge opportunity for people.

Bobby Newman:

Thank you very much for having me. Thank you. And by the way, I do want to mention that this is my experience, but I also collaborating with other professionals that have done this for years. And so, anyway, I’m pretty excited about it, and I really appreciate the opportunity here.

Joanie Sigal:

Absolutely. Thank you.

Bobby Newman:

You’re welcome.

LINK TO PODCAST

http://pntnoreturnaddictionpodcast.libsyn.com/bobby-newmans-new-way-to-help

HELPFUL LINKS:

If you’d like to schedule a phone consultation session with a Substance Abuse Counselor visit:

https://newmaninterventions.com/contact/

Go to this link for our FREE Successful Intervention Tips:
https://newmaninterventions.com/25-successful-intervention-tips/