Enabling an addicted loved one, though done with good intentions, can allow their substance abuse to continue unchecked. Learning how to identify enabling behaviors and replace them with positive support is essential to help your addicted loved one find recovery.
What does enabling an addict look like?
Enabling takes many forms but generally involves making it easier for the addict to continue their substance abuse problem. Some examples include:
- Making excuses or lying to others to cover up for them
- Paying their bills or debts so they face no consequences
- Ignoring the problem or looking the other way
- Helping them avoid responsibilities like work or childcare
- Blaming others for their behavior
- Shielding them from natural consequences
Though it comes from a place of love, enabling allows the addictive behavior to go on and often worsens over time. Prolonged enabling can foster deeper dependency and stop the addict from seeking treatment. They may increasingly rely on your protection from consequences, making the addiction more entrenched.
Steps to stop enabling addiction
It takes courage, but stopping enabling is vital. Here are steps you can take:
- Be honest with yourself about enabling behaviors and commit to change
- Set healthy boundaries and stick to them
- Stop making excuses or lying for the addict
- Allow them to face natural consequences
- Express love but don’t shield them from reality
- Attend support groups like Al-Anon or Nar-Anon
- Consider staging an intervention or getting intervention guidance
Though difficult, allowing the addicted person to experience the results of their actions can be the wake up call they desperately need. It removes your protection of their addiction and forces them to face their problem head-on.
This may mean letting them be fired from their job, refusing to pay their bills, or not bailing them out of trouble. Your detachment, though painful in the moment, makes their situation harder to ignore. They see that their addiction has severe consequences that you will no longer prevent. This rock bottom may motivate them to sincerely seek treatment.
Professional help and support
Getting educated guidance can help give you the tools to effectively stop enabling behaviors. Therapy, counseling and attending support groups can also help you handle this complex situation in a healthy way. Learning to detach with love and focus on your own self-care is also important.
Additionally, a professional intervention may be warranted if the enabling has reached dangerous levels, such as with cases of severe alcoholism in spouse. The guidance of a professional interventionist ensures the process is done correctly for the best chance of motivating real change.
An intervention provides a structured and compassionate setting for multiple loved ones to express their concerns, provide evidence of the addiction, and clearly outline the consequences if they refuse help. Having the backup of treatment options ready allows the addicted person to seamlessly transition into recovery.
With help and perseverance, you can move from enabling to constructively supporting your addicted loved one’s recovery. Though the path is hard, intervention can spark hope for you both to reclaim your lives and rebuild your relationship on a new foundation of honesty and sobriety. An intervention is not about shaming, blaming or punishing the addicted person, but showing them unconditional love while refusing to enable any longer. It can open their eyes to the damage their addiction has caused and motivate them to seek treatment and lasting change. With professional guidance, an intervention allows families to rewrite their stories and reforge broken bonds now grounded in openness, trust and recovery.